I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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