I have demons in me.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
