I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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