My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
