so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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