There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
