apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
