i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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