right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
