shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
