3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
