I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Fuck appropriateness.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
