Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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