I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
