who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
