Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
