so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
