Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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