i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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