Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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