Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
