So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My pussy is not your playground.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
