They should really pass out barf bags in church
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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