saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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