If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
