I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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