I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
