how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
