kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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