...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
