Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
