I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
