you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
