We had to coat check the pizza.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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