Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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