I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
