I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
