people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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