i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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