Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize