I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
