Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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