I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's blow job season.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize