I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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