Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
