Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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