my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
