I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
