we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
