I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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