ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
