Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
