just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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