my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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