Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
