Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
