Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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