Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
