ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
