it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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