My sheets look like a crime scene.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
