my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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