Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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