Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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