Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
