Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize