Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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