I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
