So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize