I need to stop coming to work sober
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
