It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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