are you still at the devil's house?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
