4 words: hood of his car
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
