My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I love you. Go after that dick
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
