Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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