so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
