Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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