My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
