I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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