I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we're making bets on your personal life
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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