can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
