drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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