i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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