he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
