So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
