You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
