I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
