Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
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